How My Life Feels Right Now

"Welcome to Breast Cancer. What can I get for you?"

"Umm, yes, I'd like to order a mastectomy please."

"Okay, do you want the unilateral or would you like to double that and get the bilateral?"

"I think let's make it the bilateral."

"Great! One bilateral mastectomy. Would you like to add reconstruction to that?"

"What are my options?"

"We have implant reconstruction and tissue reconstruction. You can get the tissue reconstruction with the TRAM flap, DIEP flap, TUG flap, VUG flap, DUG flap, or the SGAP flap."

"Wow, so many choices. I'll just go with the implant reconstruction."

"Round or teardrop?"

"I was told round is better."

"Saline or silicone?"

"I don't know....what's the difference?"

"Silicone feels a bit more natural."

"Okay, give me those."

"Great! Would you like to supersize that reconstruction."

"Geez, no! I was actually thinking to downsize the order. You know what, how about if I just go with the unilateral?"

"You can still add reconstruction to that. We could also throw in a contralateral reduction and lift to the order."

"Hmmm. I know I have to get the unilateral. Maybe I ought to just go with that and skip the reconstruction. What do you think?"

"It's up to you. But you need to make up your mind"

*Head explodes.